Post #4 : Measuring up

For a week now I've been yet again pondering my next move and trying to find an idea that would measure up. Even though the idea of creating a census of postable items, is certainly something that I find appealing, I fear from my side of things it's in danger of becoming a little too predictable. I've had many a suggestion from the 'Will it Post? Fanclub', I encourage anyone that wants to try their ideas to do so ( you know the address ).Of course these ideas peak my interest, most of them are generally within the same vain and obide with this idea of census. I must set the pace at all times. "For one to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times". Ideas, there are always ideas and to assemble some more, on a cold Friday evening, I went to Ikea. Whilst rocking on a chair that boasts a ten year durability, I wondered about whether or not this prediction catered for people of all weights and sizes. How can it be so general? I mean some people are built like a tank. Surely if they were to sit and slouch on this chair for 2 years it would have enough and just give way. Not only that, but ten years is a long time. Other than myself and a few friends I know that boast a rather excellent metabolism; who weighs the same for ten years? This got me to thinking, just how big was my waistline? At that moment, I spied, the free ikea pens. Like any Englishman, I am just drawn to free stuff, so I naturally made my way towards them. As I got closer I saw there were some Ikea tape measures, I had never really noticed these before and perhaps infused with the musings of my waistline, took one ( well several ) and immediately thought, will it post?


This is usually where the story ends( some of you may even think it should)but like most good stories, this one has a twist.I went about my Will it Post? routine of writing the address,stamping it and taking the requisite pictures. Following that, I walked towards the postbox, ready to post and document the item, when I noticed something rather disturbing. The information, on the front of this postbox had been removed! No longer did it state the last collection from the box. Did this mean that this that this particular postbox was set for demolision? This in itself, is not really that disturbing, it's when I realised the significance of this post box in relation to Will it Post? that the plot thickens. This post box, this very one, was the post box that my very first item had been posted from. Could it be, that due to my documentation of missing stamps and delay of the book of stamps that this post box, was being punished? Could this be some sort of 'Postal Postbox Punishment ' on behalf of Royal Mail? More distrubing still was the inclusion of a barcode on the postbox itself. Was this an attempt to track down the Will it Post command structure and dissolve it? Or worse still, to capture its commander -in-cheif.....me? With all this running through my head like a convoy of Royal Mail trucks with nothing to lose but time and reputation, I slowly backed away from the post box. There was no way I was being subjected to a dawn raid of crack covert posties, they'll have to get up earlier than this if they want to catch 'Will it Post?' - and they get up early! Remember, I set the pace. I got back to Will it Post? Command Center and quickly came up with a revised plan...

Remembering her love for Ikea and Will it Post? (and of course her address) it made most sense to me, to send this item to, Jessica in Cornwall.Although any capture or dawn raids upon her would be unfortunate, it would leave the command structure in place. Since there are rules within Royal Mail now, not about the weight of a parcel or letter, but the shape, I figured that two stamps of the First Class variety, would suffice here. So again under the cover of dark on a snowy winters' night I made my move and the fourth item was eventually posted. And here yet again, is where the story takes another twist and one with a rather sinister tone. Returning to my car, I became the subject of an egging. A car passed me at approximately 23:06 at a speed nearing 40mph and from it, an ovulation let loose. Luckily for me, the only person that ended up with the proverbial 'egg on face' was the 'Eggee'. Their throw was one so girly and insignificant, the first thing I knew about it was when I felt a mild tickle on my lower rib cage. Looking down I saw an egg bounce off my coat and pathetically smash on the floor. I was not inconveienced by their actions, infact I found the experience mildly pleasurable and couldn't help but feel like I had some kind of forcefield that was impervious to flying eggs(fleggs?) - Class 1 impossibility? I didn't get a good look at the vehicle nor the 'Eggees' involved and it's not that I'm accusing Royal Mail, but it's all rather too coincidental - like a horses head in a bed, I think I've been warned.





This Post was made on the 23rd February at approximately 23:05. Since the only unsuccessful post so far has been associated with Royal Mail Cornwall, will this post vindicate them from that loss, will it act as a warning to us all, to never send post to Cornwall?

Ikea Tape Measure
Posted on: 23/2/10
Time: 23:05
Status: Unknown