Post#2 Operation Monkey's Claw

With the the verdict still out on the first post, I decided to waste no time and get right back on the case. I wanted to set a precedent for all 'posts' to come, something risky. One that dealt with one of the 'really big themes' in life - will it post? I began by searching the website of the Royal Mail. It dawned on me that I needed to find out the rules (if any) of what I could and could not post. Posting something that contravened those rules might make me feel a little rebellious, but it wouldn't do much for 'Will It Post? '. So as I searched, I was suprised to find that they'll pretty much send anything. They do however offer you guide lines, such as 'make sure any outer containers are strong enough for their contents' and 'use a ‘FRAGILE’ sticker, if necessary'. The list which is found here suprisingly, even included things like flowers and drugs. But as I scanned down the list, one stood out from the rest : 'Fruit and veg'. Could I conceivably post a piece of fruit and if so how? More to the point what? It would have to be a fruit that would be big enough to write on and small enough to fit in a post box. Also I didn't want something that would squash easily. Then it hit me. A fruit, that as I thought about it seemed to tick all the boxes: it would set a precedent for posts to come, something risky, could fit in a post box, was big enough to write on and perhaps most importantly had its very own packaging - an outer container strong enough to hold its contents. It was of course, a banana.

With the idea in place all that was left for me to do was make it happen. So at approximately 16:45 operation Monkey's Claw was put into place. So under the cover of dusk, I purchased bananas from a near by supermarket and found a secluded area to prepare the 'nana'. Unfortunately I could only find a bench near a bus stop ; trying to ignore the funny looks of queing customers, I went about my work there. I decided that I needed a banana that hadn't quite ripened yet, but the selection that this unnamed supermarket had, was pretty poor, so I had to settle for a 'semi-ripe'. I had never actually written on a banana before now, but doing so I found was pretty easy. At first I thought a marker pen was good enough for the job, but under some extensive spit and rub testing, found it rubbed off. Lucky I bought a back up biro then. Weight became my next concern. How many stamps would this need? Surely no more than three?In the end in a subconscious attempt to perhaps bribe the people invovled in getting this fruit to its destination, I went for five. Like the writing I found the sticking of the stamps to the banana suprisingly easy. The adhesive on the stamps seemed sufficient, to bond and stay bonded, to the banana but I decided not to take that risk and used super glue( no half measures). Finally, in accordance to the guide on the website I finished up, with a rather large 'Handle With Care' and 'Perishable'. I know the website said 'FRAGILE' but I found my way more befitting. Comical-a-death it may be, I don't want some unsuspecting postman to drop it, slip, fall and break his neck. I mean a banana may be a healthy snack with perfect posting properties, but it can also be a lethal weapon, let us not forget that. With the banana now prepared and packaged naturally by evolution, I set about the posting and let me tell you, it proved to be quite difficult. Firstly I was losing light fast and it was starting to get so cold that my hand began to resemble a claw. Secondly, every time I seemed to find a good spot to photograph the banana, some people turned up and so as to not answer any questions, I and my bunch of bananas moved on. Eventually though, I found a gap in the storm of people and quickly documented my work. Lastly, the post box. It stood right outside the post office with a huge window looking out to it. With the last post, thirty or so minutes away, I had to act fast and somehow get to it with my camera, take a practice shot sans banana, then one with banana, without anyone seeing me. Staring into the post office from across the road I could see the woman at the counter serving a rather pleasant looking girl. I stood there for about five minutes like some deranged banana weilding nutter waiting for his opportunity, to do who knows what. Then after about two minutes I saw my chance.I 'hauled ass' across the road narrowly missing to cars that 'honked' me, I thought about retaliating with a banana for a brief moment, until I quickly realised that I was in the wrong. I got to the post box and did what need to be done. The banana was posted! I turned round a little buzzed out and bumped right into an old man arm stretched out preparing to post a quite ordinary letter and found myself thinking ' I wonder where that's going and will it post?'.

The post was made on 30th January 2010 at approximately 17:20. Last collection from the post box will be at 18:00.So by the time this post is 'blogged' the banana will most likely either be promoted to post, or condemned to trash.


Banana

Posted on: 30/1/10
Status : Read
Will it Post? Probably not